Saturday, March 05, 2005

FEC, protect us!

I, for one, admire and appreciate the FEC taking on this new challenge to protect all us easily-confused citizens from them wily old bloggers. I'll be danged if I couldn't use some oversight myself!

So here is what I propose: Let's set up a trackback bot. Anytime somebody posts something dangerous (i.e. political, contains original thinking, etc.), send the bot a trackback. The bot will instantly generate a message to the FEC:
To: speechenforcement@fec.gov
From: Extremely Concerned Blogger <$$AuthorEmail$$>
Date: $$CurrentDateTime$$
Subject: Please protect my country from this EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SPEECH: "$$PostSubject$$"

My Dear FEC,

Thank you SO SO SO SO much for being right there on the front lines, protecting us VULNERABLE CITIZZENS
[sic] from dangerous unregulated speech!

To assist you in this CRITICAL MISSION, it is my duty to report to you that I, myself, have just made a posting on my blog, $$BlogName$$. It is located right out there on the INTERNET where ANYONE CAN SEE IT. See for yourself right here: $$PostURL$$.

Why, this posting has all kinds of ...THOUGHTS... in it, like this:

$$PostExcerpt$$

I must also inform you, Dear Commission, that this posting was NOT AUTHORIZED OR SCREENED BY ANYONE, including:

* My Congressperson
* Either of my Senators
* The President, or his Chief of Staff
* Howard Dean
* The Chief of Police
* The boys down at the Local 142
* The New York Times
* Not a single Justice of the Supreme Court, not even that Souter guy
* Heck, I can barely even get my wife to read these things

And I didn't prescreen this content with YOU, MY DEAR COMISSION.

So PLEASE STOP ME before I speak again!

Sincerely,

$$AuthorName$$
$$AuthorEmail$$
$$AuthorPostalAddress$$
$$Author"Diversity"Code$$
$$AuthorDriversLicenseNumber$$
$$AuthorSocialSecurityNumber$$
$$AuthorCreditRating$$
$$AuthorEmploymentHistory$$
$$AuthorHealthHistory$$
$$AuthorAnyOtherInfoWeMightBeAbleToUse$$
See where I'm going with this, folks?

For serious coverage of the issue, check out Cyber Conservative, who's doing a bangup job.

Oh yeah, almost forgot: Hey Arizona, please pick someone other than McCain on next go around. (Now where do I send that trackback...)